Being free to be who I am
Leadership in turbulent times
When I started coaching, I was in the middle of a storm. As Director Director, I bore ultimate responsibility for an organization with hundreds of employees and millions in sales. But beneath the surface it was churning. There was an unexpected financial deficit, an MT that was not yet a team, a critical employee report and unclear collaboration in an urban network. Everything demanded action, while deep down I knew that as a director I had to bring calm and direction.
Coaching as a compass for balance and direction
I longed for a way to stay on course without losing myself. I knew: this requires not only sharp analyses on content, but also a clear inner compass. How do you lead an organization if you have not yet fully taken your own place? And as a leader, how do you offer tranquility, keep faith in your people and take the time to build a team, while the outside world calls for decisiveness and quick results?
One of my SBT members, who himself had good experiences with Carla, pointed me to her. That immediately gave me confidence. And when I met her, I knew why: her warmth, humor and sharp analyses gave me instant energy.
From the sacred must to authentic leadership
In the coaching conversations – and later in The Women’s Leadership Program – I discovered how deeply ingrained the pattern of “the sacred must” was in me. My goal orientation and strong work ethic had taken me far, but also overshadowed the parts of me that actually wanted to feel, slow down and enjoy.
The insight that enjoyment is allowed, that trust is a choice and that rest does not equal standing still was a turning point for me. I started listening more to my feelings and expressing those insights. Cautiously at first, then more firmly. In the MT, in conversations with employees, in the urban network. And what I noticed surprised me: my voice was not only heard, but also appreciated.
I discovered that I don’t have to put as much pressure to get movement. Just by giving space, development gets underway.
What came as another unexpected breakthrough for me is that I have become less afraid of criticism.
Where before I immediately felt a raised heart rate and perceived it as rejection or “not good enough,” now I can look at it with more gentleness. Of course I still find it annoying when something could have been done better, but I listen to it more calmly. I do make mistakes, and that’s part of it. This realization makes that people dare to speak to me more, and that I ask more actively. It feels lighter and more honest, both for me and for those around me.
The profits
Slowly but surely, something fundamental changed. Not the world around me, but the way I experience it. Today I feel freer: free to engage all sides of myself, free to make choices and let my voice be heard without noise.
Those around me see a leader who gives direction with calmness and firmness. The Supervisory Board appreciates my direction, within the MT I am seen as someone from whom they learn, and my team experiences that I put less pressure and actually give more room for development. Also in the wider network my voice is heard more often – and with more weight. I myself experience peace and solidity.
What I am most proud of? That I consider myself good enough. And that I experience more freedom in my role.
My advice to other women leaders
To women who are now at the same crossroads as I was at the time, I want to pass along:
“Allow yourself the space to look again. At your patterns, your interactions, your leadership. It gives you freedom. Freedom to be who you are and say what you have to say. That not only makes your work easier, but also your life lighter.”
Carla’s take on this coaching journey
What touched me in Marjolein was her deep desire to bring calm and clarity precisely at a time when the organization had entered turbulent waters. She had every reason to run faster, but instead chose reflection. For standing still for a moment. To consciously examine what was really needed – in the organization and in herself.
I saw how, step by step, she started to rely more on her reflective gaze and on the intuitive sides of herself. The effect was visible: not only in the freedom and peace she experienced herself, but also in how her MT and stakeholders responded to her differently.
What moved me during the coaching was that her sense of “I’m not good enough” began to melt away, and mildness took its place. This has made a big difference to the people around her as well. She has become less afraid of criticism. Where she used to quickly perceive it as rejection or confirmation of “it’s not good enough,” complete with an elevated heart rate, that’s gone now. Of course she still finds it annoying when something could have been done better, but she listens to it more openly, with more leniency toward herself. She is allowed to be more human, and making mistakes is part of that. The great thing is that now people also dare to tell her more what they see, and she asks more actively about it herself.
What I admire in Marjolein is that in the midst of the complexity of a large managerial role, she consciously chooses to slow down and reflect. And that she has the courage to show her vulnerability. That is precisely what makes her so effective and authentic.
